How to Console a Single Person

Sometimes, I don't know what to say to people who are bummed out that they aren't dating someone or aren't married yet. It's because I go back and forth on comfort and self-pity when it comes to my own singlehood. What do you say to the girl who's never even been asked out on a date before or the guy who sees all his friends getting married and wonders when he's going to find "the one"?

When you're married yourself, it's easier to see the otherside. You know God has good things for the single person because you've been there and look where you're at now. But it's hard when you're in it. Maybe that's where faith comes in. I mean, maybe we should just trust God's word instead of looking at the circumstances, right?

Okay, that's not comforting either. Would it help if I said that your relationship with Jesus, when put first, is an awesome intimate relationship in itself? That there's nothing like being with Him? Even if you get married, there's limits to how close you can get to that person. There's no limit with God.

Marriage won't solve loneliness problems. It's not perfect. It's a beautiful thing, though, isn't it? But I know a lot of unhappily married people. I also know happily married people. The problem is I don't know enough happy single people.
Isn't that a nuisance? Even people I know who are happy with being single, sometimes it's because they have some bitterness towards marriage. Or something against the opposite sex they need to work out. I want to be happy being unmarried in this time. I do.

I want to be happy with being single. Not because I hope to never get married. Oh, I want to get married. Do not get me wrong. I feel like there's something wrong with me that I've never even dated before. Don't get me wrong on that score. I know there's nothing wrong with me. I want to be happy being single because that is what I have right now.

I used to go from one crush to another. Right now I'm getting over feelings for a guy I've know for a year now. I blame most of my discontent on that situation. If it weren't for him, I would be happy being single.

The situation is just a symptom, though. A symptom of this deeper knowledge that I often forgotten. My whole purpose is wrapped up in Jesus and my relationship with Him. I always had this problem with God being enough. Even when I was the closest to the Lord I ever have been, I still didn't feel that way. Ask my closest friends and they will tell you how that's been in the past. The main reason for my lack of peace and security is wrapped up in my insecurity when it comes to the Lord.

If you preach this back to me later, I will deny it. LOL. Who wants to hear that? Just like we don't want to hear that Paul taught it's better to be single. And we want to scream if we hear another person say "God has someone for you that's wondeful..." Even if all that is true.

Sometimes when I complain, all I want to hear someone say is this, "That sucks, Nichole. You are wonderful woman and I don't know what the men are thinking overlooking you." Or something like that. :)

What I realize lately, though, is I've wasted a lot of time being unhappy. When I was in XA, I didn't appreciate it enough (I did appreciate and enjoy it) because I was looking at my friendships and wanting them to be something they weren't. People often told me I idolized friendships. Maybe I did. I felt so alone and I wasn't even alone at all. I forgot to put Jesus as my foremost bff. I was looking in everyone else for only what Jesus could do for me. I didn't take advantage of everything XA had to offer me or everything God wanted for me at that time because I was too busy focusing on what I didn't have.

I don't want to say the same thing about this time in my life. It's not the best time of my life right now. I won't go into details but I can feel sorry for my singleness and other things or I can embrace my relationships with God, friends, family, and church family and be faithful in those. If we're faithful, don't we put ourselves in a position to receive more from the Lord? I think we do.

The joy of the Lord is always ours. And it increases as we become into a deeper realization of our salvation. Our peace increases when we trust Him more. Our depression lifts as we spend more time in the presence of the Lord and worship Him.

I know if someone were to say this all to me in one of my depressive fits over being single, I would not want to hear it. Because people have said similar things to me in the past with things like this.

Someday I will get married and have kids. Maybe work in a library at a higher position and have a writing career. Maybe. Hopefully. But if I find out all that is not God's will and something else is, then I will take joy in Him. Because no matter what, I have Him. I always will. I've lost a lot of things in my life and don't have everything I want but I have Him.
Okay, I've gone into the rambling mode. So let me end this....This isn't a lecture to anyone as much as to myself.

The joy of the Lord is our strength. Let's put on our strength.

-Nichole

Dreams

Sometimes I don't if having good dreams is a great idea. There have been times I woke up from a really good dream and cried because it wasn't real.

I dreamt last night
That you asked me to stay
Because of you
I never had to go away
Between nightmares and waking
Was a sweet moment
I wish was reality
I lay back against the pillows
Wishing for sleep
Wondering about the dream
I always wanted you to come for me
I wish you never disappeared
Leaving me in disappointment and tears
I dream that you show up at my door
Wanting to be friends again
We talk and laugh
For a few minutes
Upon waking I think it's true
Then reality hits me
And I miss you

-Nichole

Waiting

You are waiting for me
With a clean slate
Your heart is where I can see
I can see the scars
They're on your hands
As soon as I cross the divide
I won't notice them
Your face will be
The object of my gaze

One day long ago
You took my shame
But I still cover myself
With it like a blanket

I want to shout
I want to scream
I try to understand you
For you hold the answer
To every question I ever asked

You want to be the loudest
Voice in my head
Prophets and liars
Fight for me everyday
In a battle I don't see
You've won already

You have my spirit
Take my heart
We'll go side by side
I'm not immune to your grace
No matter what I say
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Okay, okay, it's still a work in progress but I promised poetry.
-Nichole